Stop saying “You’re in trouble”

I bet you don’t like the feeling of being “in trouble.”

Or like you let someone down.

It doesn’t bring out the best in us humans.

Am I right?

Your kids feel the same way.

Being “in trouble” feels terrible.

So your kids defend themself.

OR beat themself up.

They forget how amazing they are.

Before too long more off-track behavior follows.

What if when your kids misbehave you remained calm and neutral?

What if when they broke a rule you created a safe place for them?

What if by creating that safe space they were willing, to be honest with you no matter what?

What would that look like?

You’d see the off-track behavior as a cry for help.

Evidence that your child is struggling nothing more.

You’d know giving punishments or lectures doesn’t teach a lesson.

You’d know the best way to teach your child is to help them feel safe and accepted.

You’d see their behavior as neutral.

You’d do your best to stay connected to your child.

You’d be able to assess the situation and…

Set a limit if needed.
Have a conversation if that would help.
Set your child up for success next time.

Your child wouldn’t feel like they were “in trouble” because being in trouble wouldn’t be a thing anymore.

Your child would know they are simply “a human.”

A human having a human experience.

Occasionally “messing up” as all humans do.

You’d stand alongside them cheering them on.

You’d believe in them.

Even when they “messed up.”

You’d help them navigate life.

Through all the ups and downs without judgment.

You’d guide them with love, trust, and compassion.

You’d believe in them the entire time.

You’d believe they were doing the best they could in that moment.

As a result of you showing up like that your child wouldn’t believe in failure.

She’d know that she wasn’t defined by her mistakes.

She’d believe that everything was working for her benefit.

She’d know she could create anything she wanted.

Most importantly…

She’d know that no matter what happened you’ll be by her side.

Loving her.

Trusting her.

Celebrating her.

Believing in her for who SHE IS.

Not for who she could be.

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Andee Martineau

Andee’s a mom of 6, reformed yeller, and the creator of Connect Method Parenting. She’s on a mission to help moms feel in control, bring the fun back into parenting, and ditch the yelling, corrections, and endless feelings of failure!

Can you imagine your kids happily listening to you, helping around the house, confiding in you, and getting along with their siblings? She’s got you covered with simple, scientifically-sound steps to do just that (that actually work. For real!)

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