👉 When the siblings are fighting what can we do?
1. Don’t wait. As soon as you can go over to them when you hear they are upset.
2. Take a minute to look at each of them in the eyes and collect their smile, eyes, and a nod. This establishes a working relationship.
3. Ask each of them what happened.
4. Listen closely to each of them. Don’t respond just listen to understand.
5. If they are old enough ask them how they might think we could figure things out.
6. Set the limit by reminding them of the rules like “We don’t talk to our siblings like that.”
7. Stay neutral. You don’t need to punish them to teach them to be kind to each other. Using blame or shame isn’t going to help either.
8. SEE them, SET the limit, and STAY neutral.
9. Repeat, repeat, repeat 70×70 or until they learn to speak nicely to each other.
When they’re fighting if you can come with neutrality instead of upset, shaming, and blaming it opens the door to helping our kids work through these challenging moments instead of creating more hurt, frustration, resentment, and damaging the relationship.
Think of this as a connective parenting protocol.
When I started to follow it I felt ☀️ empowered.
I was able to begin to create a space where my kids could figure out how to go through the upsets and problem solve difficult situations without me trying to make it go away using ultimatums or punishments.