On Listening

Listening👂 is a parenting superpower. 💥

When our child…

>> messes up
>> tell us about their hard day
>> complains about homework
>> is sad because of what a friend said to them
>> doesn’t want to do their chores
>> is mad because we said no

We often want to jump right in and give an immediate response, some advice, or a recommendation.

👉 But what if we paused before jumping in and talking, and listened to them twice as long as we normally would before responding.

👉 What if we didn’t start teaching, correcting, explaining, or lecturing right away??

They don’t need the lecture or antidote. ❤️

I used to “listen” to my kids…all the while coming up with my response to what they were saying inside my head.

I’d be focused on the thing I’d want to teach them instead of the thing they were saying.

What they need more than our intentional responses is our 💃 intentional presence and connection with them.

They need to feel connected to us in such a deep way that it allows them to feel safe to share what they’re thinking about.

Space for even the thoughts we think are misinformed, judgmental, or misleading.

Space to let them be and talk.

I used to think “teaching” them meant explaining something to them.

I would point out their missteps, their flawed judgment, and counter it with clarity so they could do better next time.

✔️ Now I realize the best teacher is to be 100% present with them and allow them to be in the experiences in their life.

Life will teach them so many things, and those lessons will land so much deeper than anything I could say.

Listening gives us insight ☀️ into what’s going on inside of them.

The more curious and present we are the more they’ll talk, reveal, divulge, and open up to us about what’s going on for them.

When you pick them up from school say hi and let them know you’re excited to see them. Then see what happens.

Some days they won’t have much to say.

Some days they’ll have a lot to say.

We’re the same way, right? Somedays we’re in the mood to talk, other days we aren’t.

👍 When you’re quiet and nonjudgmental you’ll make room for them to feel safe. You’re more likely to get their organic thoughts that have been sifting in their head instead of just a response to our pointed question. They are more likely to speak their mind and bring up topics that are important to them.

After all, that’s what we want right? To see understand more about what’s going on inside of them.


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Andee Martineau

Andee’s a mom of 6, reformed yeller, and the creator of Connect Method Parenting. She’s on a mission to help moms feel in control, bring the fun back into parenting, and ditch the yelling, corrections, and endless feelings of failure!

Can you imagine your kids happily listening to you, helping around the house, confiding in you, and getting along with their siblings? She’s got you covered with simple, scientifically-sound steps to do just that (that actually work. For real!)

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