My thinking needed a change…

It wasn’t my child who needed to change their behaviors it was my thinking that needed to change.❤️❤️

That’s what I realized all those years ago.

It was a 🖐 full-stop moment.

👉 What if we believed that our kid’s behaviors weren’t good or bad?

👉 What if we didn’t see their actions as good or bad?

👉 What if we just saw what they were doing as part of life? Part of what they needed to do to grow, learn, and mature?

I used to feel so judged by others because of how my kids behaved.

I judged my kids too. They were doing either a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ behavior.

I judged myself. I was either doing a ‘good’ job as a parent or a ‘bad’ job.

It fed my addiction to perfectionism perfectly. 😩

I tried harder and harder to control their behaviors with punishments, rewards, lectures, and shame. When the ‘bad’ behaviors didn’t go away I tried correcting and fixing them even more.

It drove me crazy and I felt stuck.

→ Then everything shifted for me. Behavior is just behavior. Actions are just actions. They are nothing less and nothing more…they just are. They are neutral events that happen as a result of something going on for our child.

Sometimes they are a smoke signal letting us know something isn’t working for our kids.

Sometimes they are a reminder that they are really struggling.

Other times they are an indication that they are feeling confident and capable.

Or perhaps that they are ☀️ full of joy and happiness.

When the worry and judgment we have about our kid’s behavior ends we’ll be able to navigate anything that comes up for our kids with more calm and compassion.

Those “bad” behaviors aren’t bad! They are normal and tell us a story about what’s going on for them, not a story about what kind of parent I am or what kind of kid they are.

Society fooled me when it said that my kids were only going to learn if I stopped them from failing.

Our kids are destined to succeed. ❤️❤️ They’ve come to us ready to thrive. It’s our job to give them space and room to make mistakes and learn lessons without judgment, shame, or blame.

Making mistakes is part of the process…the more we believe that the more we’ll be able to navigate anything that comes up with our kids with connection and empathy.

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Andee Martineau

Andee’s a mom of 6, reformed yeller, and the creator of Connect Method Parenting. She’s on a mission to help moms feel in control, bring the fun back into parenting, and ditch the yelling, corrections, and endless feelings of failure!

Can you imagine your kids happily listening to you, helping around the house, confiding in you, and getting along with their siblings? She’s got you covered with simple, scientifically-sound steps to do just that (that actually work. For real!)

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