In 8-year-old handwriting, the note read, “Mom I want to live with someone else. Not you!”
My client showed me the note and said…
I told her she had to clean her room before TV time.
She ran to her room wrote the note and started throwing pillows everywhere and telling me to leave her alone.
Then she started running around the house screaming and saying…
You are the worst mom ever.
At first, I started feeling like a failure.
It was terrible.
I didn’t know what to do.
Did she really hate me?
I sat on the floor and took a deep breath.
I pulled out my prompt card.
She held her prompt card to the camera so I could see it.
Behavior is just information.
Big emotions just mean something is not working for her right now.
Emotions have to move through us.
All emotions are okay.
I can handle anything that comes up.
She’s doing __ and that’s okay.
Right now I’m feeling frustrated, AND I completely love and accept myself.
She lowered the card down.
I asked her what happened next.
Well, I didn’t yell or tell her to go to her room and calm down like I used to.
Part of me was calm and part of me was worried.
But the calm part was stronger.
I stayed with her and didn’t judge her.
I told her I was sorry she was upset at me.
She kept crying and screaming.
I committed to myself to mentally be there until it was over.
It was hard.
I had no idea where this behavior was coming from, but knew it was important to let it move through it.
I didn’t say much most of the time.
I left for a few minutes to check on the other kids.
At one point I told her I’d never leave her, which made her angry.
It wasn’t easy to stay calm and hold space for her to release the emotions.
After 45 minutes later she made eye contact with me, hugged me, and said she was sorry.
The rest of the day was awesome.
This is what we call Connective Support.
Takes a bit of planning and practice.
Works incredibly well.
We learn how to do it inside Connect Method Parenting.
Comment below if you want more details.
xoxo, Andee ❤️❤️
