Don’t let your past define you. You are whatever you practice.

One night I sat down with one of my kiddos as she cried and cried.

She talked about how people had called her mean.

She recognized she had been mean.

“Sometimes I feel like a mean person Mom,” she told me in between sobs, “and I don’t know what to do.”

She didn’t want to be mean.

She hated that sometimes she lost her temper or said words she regretted.

I told her…

“You’re not a mean person. That’s not who you are. We all decide sometimes not to love. That includes you and me. If we could figure out how to always choose love we’d choose that every time right? At our core we are LOVE. Love just feels so much better than not loving. ❤️ Sometimes in the moment love isn’t an option for us.”

“We’ve practiced choosing to be frustrated or hurt so often that we decide to choose that in that moment. But that doesn’t mean that’s who you are. You are kind and loving through and through!!”

We made a plan for her.

STEP 1: PRACTICE BEING GENTLE and compassionate with herself even if she decided to not be nice in the moment.

STEP 2: FEEL THE EMOTION: Feel the emotions, let them go, and move forward.

STEP 3: Be PATIENT: I told her “It will take time for this new way of choosing to be patient and kind when people are pushing her buttons, to seem normal. At first, it might feel weird. You’ll be tempted to respond the way you used to. Just keep practicing and eventually, it will feel natural.”

After we came up with a plan she smiled with relief and fell asleep as I sat by her side.

Don’t let your past define you.

You are whatever you practice.

When we decide to make a change in our life it’s going to feel awkward and uncomfortable at first.

That means you’re doing it right. ☀️

It won’t feel natural until you practice it. ❤️❤️

So let the practice begin. 🎉

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Andee Martineau

Andee’s a mom of 6, reformed yeller, and the creator of Connect Method Parenting. She’s on a mission to help moms feel in control, bring the fun back into parenting, and ditch the yelling, corrections, and endless feelings of failure!

Can you imagine your kids happily listening to you, helping around the house, confiding in you, and getting along with their siblings? She’s got you covered with simple, scientifically-sound steps to do just that (that actually work. For real!)

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