I’m Andee Martineau, and I’ll be your guide!
I’m a mom of 6, reformed yeller, recovering perfectionist & control freak turned Connect Method Parenting Coach.
I love helping amazing moms switch from corrective to connective parenting.
I’m NOT here because I am a perfect parent…nope not even close. I learn new things every single day!
I’m here because after leaving my job as a nurse to be a full-time mom (which was my dream) I feel apart.
I was yelling, out of control, upset, frustrated, and hopeless.
I started crying myself to sleep most nights and felt like I was dying inside because of how terrible things were.
I’d tried every parenting trick, asked for help and things were NOT getting better.
I’d look at women with no kids and be jealous.
I felt like maybe I’d made a big mistake.
At night once all the kids were asleep I’d feel so guilty for feeling like this was the best part of my day. The time when my kids weren’t around. I felt like I was the worst mom…and I felt SO MUCH SHAME!!
I was a smart cookie…but I couldn’t make this work. I’d ask myself…
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I get this?
What am I missing?
Why am I so bad at this?
It was like that movie Groundhog’s Day (minus all the fun he had once he realized he had nothing to lose because he always woke up to the I Got You Babe song each morning).
For me, there was no relief…no fun. I took being a mom very seriously.
There was no room for error in my mind, but making lots and lots of errors was the only thing that was happening.
If Ms. Shaffer, my beloved 4th-grade teacher, was grading me I’m sure she would have given me an F-.
Everything that mattered was on the line, but knowing that didn’t stop me from yelling or getting furious.
I just knew that one of these days I was going to get to the point of no return.
The point where I’d officially mess my kids up for good. Where even good counseling wouldn’t help because it would be irreversible.
I just hoped I’d figure it out before that happened and I permanently scarred them.
I WAS STUCK!!
Then one day I really exploded.
My 4 year old destroyed our playroom with Baby Powder. He’d poured it everywhere, including on his siblings and in all the electronic devices he could find. Hundreds of dollars worth of devices were ruined, and we didn’t have the money to replace them.
I was angry.
I totally lost it.
The house was a mess, the kids weren’t listening, nap time was a disaster, the baby wasn’t sleeping, I hadn’t made it to get groceries, the laundry was piling up, I hadn’t even brushed my hair, everything seemed like a fight, and no one had noticed how much I’d been doing lately.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I lectured them, “You guys should know better than this!”
I blamed them, “When you do things like this it makes me angry.”
I punished them, “No playing with friends for the rest of the week.”
It was in the middle of this tirade that I noticed my 4-year old’s face. His eyes were watering, his face showed shame, he dropped his chin, and something hit me. I woke up out of the angry trance.
It was a FULL STOP MOMENT!
What the heck am I doing?!
Why am I doing this?
I had no idea what to do.
I only had an idea of what NOT to do.
I gave him a hug and in that moment, apologized and things shifted. We laughed. I took a picture of the kids in the mess. We cleaned it up.
It took me years of struggling, failing, and searching for another way to parent that didn’t rely on punishments, rewards, bribes, lectures, or ultimatums.
I never went back to working as a nurse in the hospital.
I became obsessed with figuring out parenting.
It’s been my full-time gig for the last 13+ years.
BUT it didn’t come easy, or quick.
But eventually, I created what I now call Connect Method Parenting.
Oh and that little 4 years old who was the brains behind the Baby Powder incident (mentioned above) is now 17. He’s amazing, and no I didn’t scar him.
If I can figure this out and turn around my parenting anyone can if they want it!